A List of People That Would Make a Better President Than Mark Kennedy

Faculty and students alike were outraged by the selection of Mark Kennedy to succeed Bruce Benson as President of CU. Critics claim his experience is inadequate and his voting record as a congressman is contrary to the values of the University. To the additional displeasure of university affiliates, the regents selected Mark Kennedy as their only finalist for the position, undermining the final vote. The negative discourse surrounding Mark Kennedy’s election begs the question: Who would make a better president?

1) Most of the other candidates pursued by the regents

Of the 8 other candidates that were recommended for interviews, 5 had more experience in education, all from more respected universities than Mark Kennedy’s three-year presidency at the University of North Dakota. Other candidates included Michael K. Young, who has 16 years experience as a University President, and Heather Wilson, former Secretary of the United States Air Force.

2) CSU’s new president

In summer 2019- roughly the same time that Mark Kennedy was chosen, CSU elected their first female president, Joyce McConnell. Joyce is personable, well-liked by students, and well experienced; not to mention she is making history. Come on guys, we let CSU beat us? CSU sucks.

3) Chef Ruben

Chef Ruben, Head  of the C4C latin station. The latin station has the best food in the C4C and you all know it. If Chef Ruben can run the university like he makes carne asada, he’s got my vote.

4) One of the therapy dogs from Norlin

All these good bois want is to make students happy. I challenge you to find someone with better intentions in their heart than a therapy dog.

5) The Freshman who watches America’s Got Talent in the front row of your lecture

Could you have picked a more distracting show? I’ve learned how to tune out Friends but this show has jugglers and fire breathers. Fuck. But at least he’s celebrating American talent and culture, and no university has declined 10% in enrollment under his administration.

6) Me

Announcing my candidacy for President of CU. As a sophomore, I have more knowledge of the campus than Mark Kennedy. Additionally, I have never voted against gay rights as a member of the United States Congress. I can even pretend to be a republican if that’s what it takes to please the regents.