Month: September 2020

On Campus

CU Reluctant to Refund Tuition as Giant Pool of Gold Coins Almost Full

In a recent email from Chancellor Phil DiStefano, students and staff were warned of the rising COVID-19 cases, and asked to begin complying with public health protocols. The stinger, however, came at the end of the email. “If you filthy plague rats can’t keep your masks on and stay in your dorms we’ll have to move fully online. And no, of course we won’t be … Continue reading CU Reluctant to Refund Tuition as Giant Pool of Gold Coins Almost Full

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Breaking News

Earth Muffins Reporters Uncover Oxford Proclamation on Black Death

Reporters at earth muffins magazine have discovered 2 significant historical documents from Oxford in 1350. These documents were released as proclamations from the University before and during the fall semester of 1350, at the height of the black death. Below is the document from that summer. University of Oxford remains optimistic regarding Fall 1350 status Greetings Subjects, This proclamation intends to fully describe the return … Continue reading Earth Muffins Reporters Uncover Oxford Proclamation on Black Death

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On Campus

Mark Did it Again

Colorado is known to have drastic changes in weather from day to day, but Tuesday’s persistent snowfall was still notable as the earliest snow in recent memory. This may seem like another classic Colorado sixty-degree temperature swing, or the result of global warming’s mounting impact on weather patterns, but the origin of this cold summer weather is actually our very own President of CU, Mark … Continue reading Mark Did it Again

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