Earth Muffins Reporters Uncover Oxford Proclamation on Black Death

Reporters at earth muffins magazine have discovered 2 significant historical documents from Oxford in 1350. These documents were released as proclamations from the University before and during the fall semester of 1350, at the height of the black death. Below is the document from that summer.

University of Oxford remains optimistic regarding Fall 1350 status

Greetings Subjects,

This proclamation intends to fully describe the return to campus this fall semester. Through careful guidelines voted upon by the council we have formulated a plan to contain the spread of the Black Death while still maximizing the University coffers. The plan consists of three major parts:

First, the council has voted on tuition fees for the coming term. Rejoice, as through our generosity, you will only be paying the same amount you did before the pandemic.

Second, we will be working closely with our professors to ensure that our courses still meet the Oxford standard. Classes will continue as planned, but all professors will be in full armor to protect them from being infected. Professors that need to enter the university will have their humors tested and adjusted.

Third, we will be investing in resources to help combat the Black Death. We have approved grants for funding in such medical specialities as bloodletting, potions, and arsenic. A plague doctor’s tent has been set up for leeching by the East Library.

The document dated 15 September 1350 is shown below.

University Students fail completely to meet their end of the bargain

Greetings Subjects,

The University of Oxford will be shifting more of the blame of this mismanagement onto the student body at this point. Through the filthy habits of our student body we are now spreading the plague at a rate that is almost terribly impressive. Through your thoughtless socializing, drinking, breathing, and existence, our foolproof plan has failed. Keep in mind that the recreation center will still be open at this time.