CU Relocating Students to Chautauqua, Underground Tunnels

The University of Colorado has found itself in a precarious situation. If they send students home now, they’ll have created a public health nightmare by bringing students to campus, infecting them, and then sending them across the country. On the other hand, a campus full of infected students has created a nightmare of its own.

CU is scrambling to create new spaces for sick students to stay in order to maintain distance between the infected and the healthy. CU has gone so far as evacuating entire dorm buildings to turn into quarantine space, but they’re not stopping there.

This morning, CU Administration announced the next step in the “Plan for Distanced Living”.

From the press release:

“All students in the Kittredge complex of dormitories will be asked to relocate to Chautauqua Park in order to create more isolation spaces for sick students. Philly DiStefano has bought every REI within 100 miles out of stock and dumped the supplies into the center of the park. You have 24 hours to pack your things, head to chautauqua, grab a tent and a can of beans, and construct your new dormitory. Please be sure to set your tents at least 6 feet apart.”

If possible, the press release takes an even more concerning turn:

“We are additionally creating a new isolation space in the Engineering Quad. All on-campus engineers are required to relocate to the maintenance tunnels beneath the school by the end of the day. Please proceed to the secret entrance in the basement of the Engineering Center. Don’t be late! When the sun falls tonight, we will lock the doors, and any engineers seen on the surface will be dealt with swiftly! The Farrand Grab and Go staff will also be sequestered to the tunnels, along with 100 pounds of ground beef and a grill to sustain the students. Keep in mind that the recreation center will still be open at this time.”