Donald Trump Refuses to Denounce Literal Nazi Zombies

After last week’s debate insanity the biggest take away was that Donald Trump, when asked to denounce white supremacy, refused to. Even some of Donald Trump’s own supporters were upset that he didn’t answer probably the single most tee-ball level question of the debate, or any debate for that matter.

As the graceful journalists we are at Earth Muffins, we decided to give Trump another chance to denounce the evils of white supremacy, even though he has already been asked to more times than a person can count and wont. We also decided to make it easier for him by asking him to denounce something nobody could possibly endorse.

“President Trump, thanks for agreeing to an interview. We only have one question today: Do you officially condemn Nazi Zombies?”

“Well.. I’m willing to denounce anything, just give me someone to denounce and I will”

“We just did sir, Nazi Zombies, will you denounce them”

“… I’ve never met one of these Nazi Zombies, and don’t know much about them or what they do”

“Well… they’re Zombies, who before were Nazis, and they eat the flesh of the living” 

“That’s some very interesting information, I did not know that”

“So knowing this now will you denounce them?”

“Well, I’m sure there are many bad Nazi zombies, but I’ve never personally met any and assume there are probably good ones as well”

“Sir, they all eat the flesh of humans”

“Well I haven’t had human flesh before, I’m sure it tastes good”


“Did you know that Biden actually eats kale on occasion, see that’s disgusting but you left wing media only look at the right or the flesh eating zombies. It’s the Democrats and those Kale eaters you should really be worried about… I mean what’s next? A balanced diet!? IT MUST BE STOPPED!”

After our brief interview with the President of the United States we decided to ask some of his supporters what they thought about the president’s refusal to denounce the zombified corpses of Nazis.

“It’s absolutely horrendous that he would say something like, especially as president… I mean I’m appalled” 

“So who will you be voting for this November?” 

“Trump of course, he’s the best president we’ve had”

“But you just said…(sigh) nevermind”

We also asked the Nazi zombies how they received the news about Donald Trumps refusal to denounce them, to which they responded:

*happy groan*

We’d like to thank the White House for allowing this interview to happen after figuring out that CU Boulder’s President also doesn’t represent the people who populate its campus.