Fuck yes. City sized spaceships hover all around the world. Oh my god. They look super badass, and the incoherent screeches blaring constantly go so dummy, so, so, hard. This is so dope. All birds in the world pattern the sky in dynamic beauty as they suicidally flock straight into the vaporizing force fields enclosing the alien ships, crashing one after the other like zap zap zap, and exploding on the ground in front of you like bluck, bluck, bluck! What wondrous luck! Ladies and gentlemen, Aliens are invading. LET’S FUCKING GOOO!!!!!  

This is probably the coolest thing that’s happened in a few months, for sure. To think I had problems before all this is absurd. Nobody has problems now, in fact, I don’t even know what a problem is anymore. Sure, all the birds are dead, but the Aliens destroyed Ohio! Ohio is gone! That’s like, ten problems, at least, and 11,713,000 undecided voters vaporized! The Aliens really said fuck the electoral college, and I’m here for it!

Also, let me tell ya, these malevolent Alien overlords really see the value of the USPS. Ever since they destroyed all the cell and radio towers, the Post Office is back and better than ever! So sick! Just mailed my girlfriend a breakup letter – wait –  she was in Cleveland… Word! Don’t even have to worry about being the bad guy anymore! Score!

Postal workers are also getting better benefits now that they show up to every mailbox packing some HEAT with an assault rifle and legal permission to rob every home they go to. It’s glorious, all the mailmen have that designer drip now. Talk about redistribution, right?

Oh, and speaking of laws, they’re aren’t any! Yeah, ever since the Aliens have been destroying cities at random, all social order has collapsed! It’s like Christmas, but everyday! (Especially since ash falls like snow 24/7). I can smoke weed, and no longer worry about getting arrested and going to hell! Yay! And, by the way, once death was certain for all, the Catholic Church held an emergency meeting to denounce the existence of hell, emphasizing that they were “just kidding.” Now there’s no need for all those pesky morals! Hell yeah!

Some idiots are trying to fight the invaders, like they actually want to live in a world with elections. Ha! For some reason, the resistance recruiters are relentlessly looking for someone to fly straight into the alien ship while yelling: “I”MMM BAACK!” Weird. My parents are gone too, on their way to join the resistance, so they’re defiantly going to get fucking annihilated, which means I get my inheritance wayyy earlier than expected. Prodigal Son? More like Profit, Son!

I’ve never been this happy in my whole life. These Aliens really know their shit, and the thing is- wait. Hold on, somethings happening. What the fu- I’ll be right back-

Five minutes Later

Goddammit. All the ships blew up. What the shit? Apparently all the Aliens got Covid and exploded. Are you fucking kidding me? Why is this exactly how the 2005 War Of The Worlds movie ended? Everyone thought that was lame then! Why make it real! OH MY GOD! Now it’s back to the same old shit. Ok, they’re talking about rebuilding Ohio now. God, why does ‘rona have to ruin fucking everything??? Everything!?!?! Just let the world end already for Christ’s sake, like, please, I’m begging you, please, let it end!