The Happiest Place on Earth

Last Wednesday, October 14, the US News & World Report ranked Boulder as the best place to live in the United States. The ranking is just another year of Boulder dominating these leaderboards, largely because of a lobbying group formed by suburban Boulderites several years ago. Boulder Erudites Participating in Schemes (BEPIS) is a lobbying organization dedicated to furthering the interests of the community. We were able to get an exclusive interview with the leader of BEPIS, Eartha Mcfinn.

“What steps were you able to take to secure Boulder’s ranking as the #1 place to live in the US?”

(Eartha takes a long drag from a peculiar smelling cigarette before answering)

“We really had our work cut out for us this year, with all the blatant signs that Boulder is a terrible place to live right now. I mean we were able to convince those goons at US News that a major hotspot for disease was a good place to live! We really just had to milk that whole nature thing – how it’s built into the culture of the community and we care about the planet yada yada yada….thank god this fire had the courtesy to wait a week after the rankings were finalized. The college virus spikes are enough of a pain for me to have to deal with. This year we really played into the hipster thing; we emphasized anything that could have vaguely appealed to millennials from vampire yoga to holistic kombucha filled hot tubs. That, along with a few precisely placed bribes, brought us out on top.”

“Wow. You really know what you’re doing over there at BEPIS! Is that a flask you’re drinking from? Can I get a sip-”

“Of course, with an organization like BEPIS we’re always looking to the future. The turmoil of this last year has made us realize that there is a much larger market for our brand than the best place to live in the US. Why not North America? The World? And why limit our ambitions to these rankings? I’m proud to announce that BEPIS has officially expanded to politics. Our vision aligns with the millennial generation as a whole, and we hope that they will form the neoliberal base that will help us take over the world. Vote BEPIS!”