The Earth Muffins investigative reporting team has learned that, shortly following the 2008 presidential election, the University of Colorado hired Hunter Biden, son of Vice President-elect Joe Biden, as a consultant.  The younger Biden, who was then 38 years old, received an annual salary of $500,000 for his expertise in law and investments.  His current salary is in excess of $1,000,000.

The information was obtained through an Earth Muffins’ Colorado Open Records Request.  The heavily redacted documents show that Hunter Biden was hired by Bruce Benson, who served as president of the CU system from March 2008 to July 2019.  At the time, the Board of Regents was unaware of the transaction.  The source of funds for Biden’s appointment is unclear but appears to have been financed at least in part by the B****** M****** G***** (BMG Music?  Bayerische Motoren Gurken?  Benson Mineral Group?).

But why would Benson, a life-long Republican, want Biden to serve at CU?  It is clear that Benson had the University’s best interests at heart.  He believed the younger Biden could serve as a conduit to his father and to Arne Duncan, Secretary of Education under Barack Obama.  Benson’s hope was that the younger Biden could pull strings so that CU could become a for-profit institution, independent of the State of Colorado.  In that way, CU could focus solely on high tuition payments from families in the “Three Cs”: Chicago, California and China.  It is no secret that CU leaders find in-state students an unnecessary nuisance; they contribute so little and use up valuable resources that could otherwise be diverted to football, basketball and higher salaries for administrators.  

The documents reveal that, after the 2016 election, Benson considered letting Biden go and moving either Donald Trump, Jr. or Eric Trump into the consulting position.  He was assured that their political philosophy was more closely aligned to the conservative CU President.  But, upon interviewing both sons, Benson was quoted as saying, “Neither one could consult his way out of a paper bag.” 

Earth Muffins contacted CU President Kennedy about the Biden appointment.  He regards his predecessor’s move as “brilliant” and added, “It’s almost as if he knew Joe Biden would become President in 2020 and that Hunter would become an even more valuable commodity for us. The Board of Regents is now onboard and, after November 3^rd, we will double Hunter’s salary.”  When Kennedy was asked about how he planned to finance the raise, he said that his fake ID business has been so lucrative that a million dollars would be a mere drop in the bucket.  “Besides, I’ll get it back with interest once we start operating for profit.”