For the first time since 1921, the University of Colorado football team is undefeated.
Had the football season begun on September 5 th , as originally scheduled, the Buffaloes
would have played games against Colorado State, Fresno State, Texas A&M, Oregon,
Utah, Arizona, USC and Arizona State through the end of October. In all likelihood, this
would have resulted in a 1 and 7 record (with losses against every team except CSU).
But, through the good fortune of the COVID-19 pandemic, the team has not lost a single
game to this point.
Will this unbeaten streak continue? With six games remaining in the shortened season,
all against PAC-12 opponents, the likelihood of victory is uncertain. But coach Karl
Dorrell is optimistic. Dorrell convinced safety Sam Noyer to return to the team and
compete for the quarterback position. Noyer will take the snaps in Saturday’s game at
Folsom Field against UCLA.
But Earth Muffins has learned that Dorrell’s optimism is based on the unexpected return
of another former player. A leaked memorandum confirms that CU Athletics Director
Rick George has purchased the rights to Broncos running back Phillip Lindsay from GM
John Elway for an undisclosed sum. The memo does state that the payment will be in
gold bullion from the Athletic Department stash in Dal Ward.
Lindsay has used up his college eligibility but will come back as “Philip Lindsey” to avoid
detection. To further hide his real identity, the new and improved Lindsey will sport a
buzz cut fade instead of his usual afro. The Broncos have yet to announce the “season-
ending injury” that will prevent Lindsay from competing on Sunday.