American alt-metal band System of a Down has returned with their first new music in 15 years — two songs called “Protect the Land” and “Genocidal Humanoidz”. All of the members of the band are of Armernian descent, and cited the ongoing conflict between Armenia and Azerbaijan and the “dire and serious war being perpetrated upon [their] cultural homelands” as the impetus for their new music — they also plan to donate all of the proceeds from the singles to the Armenia Fund, which contributes to the needs of Armenians and their homeland.
However, immediately after the new music was released, Donald Trump jumped on the opportunity to take credit for the band’s return. 5 minutes after the singles were made available on streaming platforms, Trump released the following string of tweets:
“My favorite band, Systematic Down, has released new music — and you have ME to thank for it!!”
“The only song I’ve listened to for the past 10 years is Chop Suey! Glad to see these respectable young men taking notice of my appreciation of their work and making new songs to pay tribute to the future and rightful winner of the 2020 US Election”
“New Systematic Down is Making America Great Again! Big Thanks to the band for lending their support!”
“To all the LOSERS and HATERS saying these System tracks had nothing to do with me — YOU’RE WRONG! I am very good personal friends with the drummer, Mr. John Dolmayan!”
Earth Muffins reached out to the band to hear their take on the surprising tweets from the President. Drummer John Dolmayan, who has clashed with his bandmates over his support for Trump, had this to say:
“I do not know [Trump] personally. I’ve never talked to him. This is pretty confusing. It’s good to hear he’s a fan– if it bangs it bangs, ya know? Haha! This is pretty weird though.”
A seemingly equally confused lead singer Serj Tankian elaborated: “It’s System of A Down, not Systematic Down. If we’re his favorite band, how could he possibly not know that? I will not argue that Chop Suey absolutely rides. But fuck that guy. He doesn’t even know our name. Not a real fan.”
These bizarre, baseless, and self-centered tweets in combination with similar false claims about the new COVID-19 have only served to worsen the President’s public image, if such a thing is even possible at this point.