For several years, unbeknownst to most of the campus community, CU-Boulder has been a major center of cannabis research in the United States. No, we’re not talking about the weekly editorial staff meetings at Earth Muffins. The Center for Health and Addiction: Neuroscience, Genes, and Environment (the CU CHANGE Lab) has been studying the effects of cannabinoids on human beings. The research team is led by Professors Cinnamon Bidwell, Angela Bryant and Kent Hutchinson, all of the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience. The faculty members’ self-study has conclusively proven that “you can be a major pothead and still keep your shit together.”
When the professors aren’t toking on fat spliffs in the CHANGE LAB, they can be seen driving their CannaVan through the streets of Boulder. This rolling stoner vehicle, an unassuming white Dodge Sprinter van, is a mobile research lab that allows researchers to measure the effects of weed on memory, cognitive ability, balance, reaction time, driving simulation, etc.
Subjects in the study get $150 for participating. They buy their favorite strain—we’re talking Bazookies, Mind Eraser, Gary Payton, Blue Dream or Purple Haze—smoke to their heart’s content and are then tested to determine THC levels and compare their performance to the pre-tests. All participants claim they did better on the tests when stoned; the researchers point out that delusional ideation is one of the most common effects they’ve observed among chronic pot smokers.
One Earth Muffins reporter, who took a tour of the van, secretly planted a homing device and, as a result, staff members have become regular participants in the research. “There’s nothing that beats being paid to get stoned on Fruity Pebbles. And when I go home to see my family, I’ll be able to tell them I’m involved in state-of-the-art neuroscience research.” Earth Muffins staff members believe that, since getting involved in the study, their creativity has been spurred and the quality of the articles has improved greatly. We’re sure you agree.