Engineering Students Discover CU is Co-Ed

The new engineering bridge  has not only led to an expansion of the already beautiful campus, but also an astonishing discovery for CU’s Mechanical engineering students. As of last week, Mechanical Engineering students discovered something they had no idea existed on the premises: a female. We asked the first Engineering student Richard “Cheeto Fingers” Fredricks his reaction to seeing a female for the first time. 

“Well, I was walking from One celestial seasonings tea house to another when I saw a peculiar looking student. You have to understand how strange the student looked, first his hair was long and shiny, definitely not someone who has been using Pert two in one shampoo and conditioner and this was no coupon great clips haircut like the rest of the guys”

“At what point did you realize this was not a male student?”

“When she realized I was staring and asked if I was ok, and then I passed out” 

“You became unconscious?” 

“Well you see, I haven’t actually made eye contact with a girl since highschool” 

“You’re a senior” 

“I know which is why I assumed this was an all boys school! My heart rate would start to rise even if I heard a gender neutral name. To see one of these females in person was like french physicist Denis Papin discovering the use and design of his steam piston engine” 

“Ya totally… anyways… how has this revelation changed the mechanical engineering major for students” 

“It’s been amazing, its led to some great new opportunities” 

“Really!? So you would say that this merging has led to more ideas and philanthropy and entrepreneurship as the school has intended?”

“Yes! It really has been incredible, we have even perfected most of the girls boyfriends so called ‘Beer Die Tables’”.


We decided to reach out to one of these girls’ boyfriends, fraternity brother Chad Harrington, who also happens to be a business major, about this new relationship between the colleges. Chad has also asked to clarify that he is in an open relationship, and that him having a girlfriend should not reflect on his openness to be with other women. 

“Thanks for speaking with us today, Chad”

“Of Course my dude, all my brothers call me Barf, so you can just call me that if you feel” 

“I think we will stick with Chad for this interview” 

“Whatever. I don’t care” 

“… Anyways, how would you describe what administrators would call a new progressive and symbiotic relationship between the engineering majors and business majors?”

“Well I don’t know what the Simba analogy has to do with this new relationship, which by the way is not the only one I have I want that to be on the record” 

“Um… fine?”

“But it has definitely been extremely positive, our die tables are more level then Sugma after only one shotgun. Also through these so called simple machines our ability to transport large amounts of kegs have gone through the roof, being able to rely on pulleys and ramps we have been able to have some sick rooftop kickbacks.” 

It seems that getting business majors and engineering majors to communicate with each other has led to some progress, new ideas and opportunities, just not in the way the administration has expected. 

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