The riot in D.C. last Wednesday left the nation confused and angry after the Capitol Building was breached for the first time since the war of 1812. Not only was the baby-gloved treatment of the MAGA mob a stark contrast and blatant double standard to the handling of peaceful BLM protests in D.C. and across the country last year, security was so lax that many believe a larger conspiracy is at hand. However, all of that deserves to be discussed by people far more qualified than I, so here is a list of five places that are (apparently) more difficult to get into than the U.S. Capitol, right here in Boulder.

1: The Maintenance Tunnels

Everybody who has been here long enough to actually have set foot on campus has heard about the labyrinthian system of tunnels that connects all of main campus. According to legend some of the entrances to the tunnels are straight-up left unlocked, which actually means that the maintenance tunnels are about as difficult to get into as the U.S. Capitol.

2: Kappa Sig

Even before the pandemic, getting into Kappa Sig was no easy task. You either had to have a 5:1 ratio (you guys know five girls?) or have a friend in the frat (no, thank you).

3: The Dushanbe Teahouse

It’s actually a breeze to get a dinner reservation at the Dushanbe Teahouse with their large dining room and ample outdoor seating, but the front door is pretty heavy and there’s no Capitol Police Officer there to hold it open for you, so it’s definitely harder to get into than the seat of our democracy while actively in-session.

4: My Pants

Take me to dinner first!

5: The Rec Center

It’s easy to walk into the Rec Center, but the Covid-Safe(?) scheduling protocol requires students to plan their workouts up to days(!) in advance. It’s hard enough to get motivated to workout normally, and asking college students to plan their lives more than 6 hours in advance is really asking a lot.