Following their AFC Championship win, Earth Muffins was able to secure an exclusive interview with Kansas City Head Coach Andy Reid.
“Andy. Mr. Reid. Big Chief. How do you do it? You’re hot off a Super Bowl win last year, and it’s looking like you may just do it two years in a row. What’s your secret?”
“Well, the team is great, our secondary defense is an absolute no-fly zone, and Patrick Mahomes is the best quarterback in the league right now. But, considering all that, I would still have to attribute my victories to my secret snacks.”
“The tasty wittle gummy beaws I keep in my mask during games.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“Well, for a while, I was using a face shield during games, but then I realized what a great opportunity it is to have your mouth completely covered while on air. I found the biggest feedbag of a mask that money could buy, and started filling it with snacks. I tried cheez-its, goldfish, even doritos. Nothing stuck until one day my mommy packed me gummy beaws with my special pre-game dinner. I wasn’t hungry for them at the time, so I shoved them in my mask to munch on during the game. We absolutely embarrassed the Broncos that night. From then on I knew that gummy beaws are the secret to dominating in football”
“Do these tasty little morsels in your mask make you a better coach?”
“Oh definitely, sometimes I get so angwy at wittle patty that I feel like I could scream. That’s not a good attitude for a coach to have. Now, when I’m feeling that way, I just maneuver a gummy bear from the mask into my mouth using my tongue, and the delicious treat melts away my ire.”
“Any special plans for your gummy bear mask for the super bowl?”
“I had a special order shipped in of all green gummy beaws. They’re my favorite flavor. Tom Brady doesn’t stand a chance.”
There you have it, folks. The secret to the Chief’s success: gummy bears. It is uncertain if, now that this information has leaked, Buccaneers Head Coach Bruce Arians will adopt a similar strategy.