Benson Center Seeks First Fascist in Residence

Professor Daniel Jacobson, Director of the Benson Center for the Study of Western Civilization announced today that the Center is seeking nominees for its first “Fascist in Residence.”  Jacobson noted that “The Benson Center’s mission is to increase intellectual and political diversity at CU, and to defend academic freedom and freedom of speech when both are under increasing attack. As one part of that mission, the Center hosts a Visiting Scholar in Conservative Thought.  Now, I am pleased to announce that ex-President Benson has expanded his funding of the Center to include the ‘Visiting Fascist in Residence’ program.”

For years, the University of Colorado at Boulder was known as a hotbed of liberal and radical thought.  Professors freely espoused ideas that made this clear.  For example, in the 1940s, they sought to fight Nazism.  In the 1950s, they opposed McCarthyism.  In the 1960s, they promoted racial equality and preached resistance to the war in Vietnam.  In the 1970s, they supported equal rights for women.  In the 1980s, programs in Black Studies, Chicano Studies, Native Indian and Asian American studies were developed.

In the years since then, faculty members have continued, largely unchecked (with apologies to Ward Churchill), to champion left-wing causes such as an end to economic inequality.  This has in large measure resulted in the campus becoming a haven for long-haired, pot-smoking, tie-dye wearing, Earth Muffins-subscribing, undergraduates who, at the drop of a hat, will assemble at the Dalton Trumbo Fountain Court to protest whatever perceived indiscretion they believe has been carried out by the university administration or by state or national government.

In response, right-minded Colorado resident students flocked to Fort Collins to pursue their education at Colorado State University.  Were it not for our far sighted ex-President Bruce Benson, this brain drain would have continued and the campus would have tilted so far to the left that only Californians and Boulder natives would have been in attendance.  Benson sought to right this wrong through the Conservative Scholar program, which has resulted in an influx of students from Arkansas, Idaho, Mississippi, North Dakota, Utah and West Virginia. Nonetheless, these states still account for a scant 0.7% of the student population.

In order to continue to create greater political diversity on campus, President Mark Kennedy appealed to ex-President Benson to rededicate himself to the cause.  After the January 6th raid on the U.S. Capitol, Benson had an idea.  “To see the outpouring of patriotic Americans in their Camp Auschwitz and SMWE tee shirts, their swastika tattoos, Q symbols and rebel flags, I was inspired.  We would need an alt right, white supremacist, anti-Semitic presence on campus to attract more conservative students to Boulder.  So, the idea of a Visiting Fascist in Residence program was born.”  The only concern expressed about the new program is that it is unlikely to attract female students, perhaps with the exception of Lauren Boebert’s daughters, Shotgun and Ammunition.

The search committee members are Joseph Biggs of the Proud Boys, Jon Ryan Schaffer of the Oath Keepers and Jacob Anthony Chansley (a.k.a. Jake Angeli and Q Shaman) of QAnon.  It will be chaired by Robert Gieswein, of Woodland Park, Colorado, who has connections with the Three Percenters militia group.  Gieswein announced, “We plan to wrap the search up quickly, well before we have to start serving time for what we did at the Capitol.”

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