BREAKING: Center for Western Civilization Annexes East Campus

Faculty, staff shocked as control shifts overnight

In a covert operation, the Bruce D. Benson Center for the Study of Western Civilization annexed the entirety of East Campus last night. Days after the announcement of a new fascist in residence at CU, operatives raided the Sustainability, Energy and Environment Community (SEEC) complex in East Campus and established a base of operations there under the cover of darkness. Now, in the light of day, East Campus is a chaotic scene littered with debris and torn CU Boulder flags.

A spokesperson for the Center for Western Civ described the actions as “routine” and insisted that campus leadership has “nothing to worry about.” The Center claims that it is acting in the best interest of its students, and insists on a historical and cultural claim to the East Campus region. (“Well, East Campus speaks American, so they clearly should be part of the Center.”) The Aerospace Engineering program, located in East Campus, is of critical strategic interest to both sides of the dispute as the conflict continues to escalate.

John Eastman, the denounced Visiting Scholar in Conservative Thought and Policy at CU, tweeted in support of the move, claiming that, “this is the very essence of our republican form of government and it has to be done.”

So far, the Chancellor’s office has yet to release an official statement, but anonymous sources within the administration report that top leadership remains divided over an appropriate response to the recent actions: some members support a strong, armed response while others are arguing that “accepting [the Center’s actions] will only encourage the Center in its annexation of territory from the broader campus.”

Stay tuned on Earth Muffins for the latest updates on this evolving story.


Earth Muffins is now on Twitter! Follow us @earthmuffins420 for excellent content.