I’m writing to you from the future. Mark my words: Phil DiStefano’s wellness days saved my life.

It’s May 4th, the last day of the Spring 2021 semester. I’ve been taking classes for 15 straight weeks. I’ve gone through 73 consecutive days of class, save for two sweet, sweet wellness days. And those two days were the only thing that kept me going.

Reflecting over the past four months, I realized that the distance between me and a line of “F”s on my transcript were these two magical rejuvenating days. If not for those twenty four hour pauses — where I slept an extra thirty minutes and then crammed for my midterms — I would have been a miserable piece of shit holed up in my bed for months on end, afraid of an invisible disease, and crushed under the weight of incessant Canvas notifications.

But no, I can happily report that I am a full, strong young adult thanks solely to the amazing two days off during this entire semester. In fact, Daddy Phil’s loving choice to make these rare days off in the middle of the week only made me more attuned to his skilled leadership, charisma, and tendency to put down students whenever possible.

So, people of the past, you may be thinking, “Wait! These days off are a sham! I still have work to do and exams to pass.” You’re absolutely right. So, go hit the books.

Sincerely, Your fellow student (definitely not a Public Relations rep for the CU administration)