In honor of International Women’s Day this Monday, Earth Muffins would like to share this touching opinion piece sent in by an anonymous member of one of CU’s very own fraternities.

Hey bros, hope you all had an amazing International Women’s Day! I know I did. Many of you probably heard about that huge party that happened on the Hill over the weekend, but you probably haven’t heard the whole story. As a guy who was there, I want to tell you how our “superspreader” rager was actually about honoring women. We all knew about International Women’s Day for sure, me and my brothers were definitely talking about it the day before. Like, bro, we should fuckin’ turn up for girls. And they were like, bet, dude. So, it was actually planned out the whole time. We invited a bunch of chicks from the Sororities we knew were going to dress like sluts, and we were just so pumped to honor their bodies. I’m not spiritual or anything, but I feel like we honored their souls that night too, you know? We also caught some flak for not wearing masks, but how are you going to respect women if you literally can’t even tell how hot they were? I think it’s a pretty ridiculous critique, to be honest, and-

BROO can you believe what people are fuckin’ saying about that huge party we had? That shit is so whack, can’t believe Chad’s funeral for Puke got so out of control. It was honestly like so fitting though for so many people turned up though, she was a great dog. What are you guys doing in here anyway? Are you having Jared do your homework for you? That’s fuckin awesome bro, I love having pledges. 

He’s actually dictating an opinion piece for me, haha! I’m sharing our point of view about the whole honoring women event we had on Saturday. Our voices need to be heard, bro.

Oh shit! That’s actually so dope, man. Honoring women, for sure, for sure. That’s cool. Super cool. 

Yeah, definitely, bro. You wanna make your voice heard? Just talk about what went down on Saturday, but like talk about girls or whatever and Jared will write it down. 

Sure, man. I thought it was cool how some of the cops that showed up were chicks! It’s like, I know you’re trying to shut us down or whatever but you straight up just improved our ratio. You’re right though bro. I bet those lady cops got paid extra for that, we’re actually closing the pay gap! Haha! Wow. Cool thing you’re writing, bro. I’ll leave you to it.

Haha, thanks bro. I’ll see you around.

Yo, are you going to that party at Tridelt later? I heard Brittney’s going to be there, she totally wants your cock, dude. 

Are you sure? I’ll totally be there, man. Fuck. Alright Jared, I’m done. Put this in the envelope and I’ll send it tomorrow.