In a remarkable show of honesty and forthrightness, never before seen from the asswipe Senator from West Virginia, Joe Manchin made clear for the first time why he sabotaged President Biden’s and the Democratic Party’s clean energy bill.  

“I’ve been telling you that I am all about protecting the economy and workers of my state, but you all know that’s a load of crap.  I’m in the game for personal profit and millions in campaign contributions.  Shit! I’ve gotten more support from the Koch Brothers than I’ve ever gotten from Act Blue.  I’d be a moron to do anything different.”

Manchin is the founder of Enersystems, a coal brokerage firm (whatever the hell that is) now headed by his son.  Last year alone, the “Senatewhore” received a half million dollars in dividends from the company; and his stock holdings in Enersystems are estimated to be about ten times that much.

“I’m not stupid.  I’ve set myself and my family up for a life of ease as long as coal is king.  When I go home, where the air is filled with coal dust, it’s as if money is raining on me from the sky.  When I smell those coal-fired generators burning my beloved black gold, it’s the smell of cash.  Sure, it’s hard to breathe sometimes but I comfort myself knowing that it’s not half as tough on me as on those poor sons of bitches doing the mining.  God love ‘em.  And they’re so stupid, they actually think I’m doing them a big favor by supporting the coal operators who are leading them to an early grave.”

But, it’s not only the coal industry that supports “Munchkin,” the dollars are flowing in from out-of-state oil and gas companies, most of which are based in Texas.  In fact, a quarter of the $1.6 million in campaign contributions “Traitor Joe” raked in, in July through September of this year, came from the oil and gas industry, compared to $30,000 from West Virginia sources.  

“Lookit, my campaign fund only has $5.38 million in cash on hand right now.  Sure, I’m not up for re-election until 2024 but it costs a lot these days to be a Democrat in West Virginia.  I can’t rely on the poor folk in my state to finance my political ambitions.  Heck, I may decide to run against Biden for President.  These principled Democrats are suckers.  You’ve got to know on what side your bread is buttered and who cares if it tastes a little like petroleum products.”

The editorial staff at Earth Muffins commends Senator “Manurechin” for his honesty.  While his anti-environmental actions in the Senate condemn all of us to death, we admire him for his lack of principles.  We need more politicians unafraid to come forward and remind us that personal profit is what public service is all about.