Campus Bathroom Contains Biggest, Yellowest Piss You’ve Ever Seen

It’s a beautiful, brisk fall day on your college campus: the sun is shining, but there’s a pleasant chill in the air that reminds you that winter is coming soon. It’s not here yet, though, and the leaves are a magnificent gold as you make your way across campus. You’re not going to class, not right now. Nature is calling, and it’s time to find a suitable place to do your business. You pick the nearest facility — a restroom just outside a lecture hall. What could go wrong? The day is sweet and you have the auspicious sense that this feeling will not soon leave. 

You enter the restroom and make your way to the stalls. Three sit before you. One is occupied: the handicap stall — are they in a wheelchair? It makes no difference, you must check the others. Oh no… There is an unflushed turd sitting in a yellow pool in this toilet. That will not do. Only one option remains now. 

You slowly open the stall door, and there you see it, glinting up at you from the bowl. The biggest, yellowest piss you’ve ever seen. It’s almost painful to behold; a yellow so deep and dark that it’s almost orange. A cruel desecration of the setting sun, a twisted and heinous violation of fall’s orange and yellow hues. The volume is astounding. What manner of creature could have produced this monstrosity? What beast consumed no liquid but Olde English and Red Bull for 72 hours to produce this God-disproving gallon of refuse? The stench creeps up on you slowly at first, then consumes you in an angry cloud that smells like H.P Lovecraft’s rotting corpse. The sickening ambrosia seems still hot, almost glowing, like uranium decaying in the remnants of a 1940s nuclear test site in the deserts of New Mexico. You’ve never seen a shade of urine that is quite this color, but still the glistening surface stares up at you from the bowl, almost full to the brim. Before you lies Satan’s fetid stew, and you hear the shriek of damned souls.  This should not be possible.

You flush the toilet and rid yourself of the vile sight, but even after you rid yourself of your own waste, the image does not leave you; it is seared into your retina like an image of the sun itself. The beautiful fall leaves now look more like a collage of filth and profanity. The precious hope you had is gone. You won’t soon forget what you saw.