Month: November 2021

Breaking News

CUSG Election to be Decided by Beer Pong Tournament

As of yesterday afternoon, the CU Board of Regents has unilaterally implemented a new structure for electing the tri-executives of CU’s student government — a buy-in beer pong tournament. The tri-executives, who serve as CU’s three concurrent student body presidents, were apparently informed of this decision in a meeting between them and the Regents. Typically, the tri-executives run together on a single ticket against another … Continue reading CUSG Election to be Decided by Beer Pong Tournament

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On Campus

CU Administration Moves to Isolate Engineers

In a controversial move, the CU Boulder administration chose to further isolate engineering students by forcing them all to live in the auxiliary dorms, known as Will Vill. Engineering students are currently only somewhat isolated on campus—with their own classes, and in the case of that scary place known as Andrews, their own dorms. Now, pursuant to Mark Kennedy’s beyond-the-presidency master plan, engineering students will … Continue reading CU Administration Moves to Isolate Engineers

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On Campus

Two Students Who Tried to Answer a Question at the Same Time Really Fucking Hate Each Other

Ready to brutally murder each other, two students, Sally Omega and Joan Powers told each other it’s ok and that they can go after talking at the same time in class.  When Professor Beauxregaurde asked about what horror meant as a genre in his 3000 level creative writing class, Omega and Powers perked their heads up, and before it was too late, both began to … Continue reading Two Students Who Tried to Answer a Question at the Same Time Really Fucking Hate Each Other

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