On the first day of Christmas Lauren Boebert gave to me a right to open carry. On the second day of Christmas Lauren Boebert gave to me 2 red “Let’s Go Brandon” dresses. On the third day of Christmas Lauren Boebert gave to me 3 unused COVID vaccines. On the fourth day of Christmas Lauren Boebert gave to me 4 Qanon tees. On the fifth … Continue reading Lauren Boebert’s Twelve Days of Christmas
Turning 21 is a big milestone in anyone’s life, whether you’re a burgeoning alcoholic or not, but it can be stressful wondering how to make the most of your big night. This guide will hopefully remove some of the worry from your birthday, so you can focus on the important things, like getting hammered. First, let’s cover some health and safety basics to make sure … Continue reading A Guide to Turning 21 in Boulder
Odds are that if you spend time on CU’s campus, your anus has constricted at the sight of the sinister tree just outside the gates of Farrand Field. Earth Muffins correspondent Brandon Beans sat down with the Whomping Willow-esque beast to discuss its history and gruesome appearance: BRANDON BEANS: WOW, you are one gnarly tree. Like really hideous, no offense. I really didn’t want to … Continue reading An Interview With the Scary Tree Near Farrand Field
When Steven Spielberg was hired to direct the remake of West Side Story, he insisted on bringing the movie up to date. He felt that, in post-racist 2021 America, the plot of a white gang vs. a Puerto Rican gang in 1950s NYC would no longer capture audience interest. So, to make it relevant, he insisted that writers focus on the rivalry between Pfizer and … Continue reading Sneak Preview of 2021 West Side Story Remake:Pfizer Jets vs. Moderna Sharks
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