Month: March 2022

Stranger than Truth

The Truth Is Stranger Than Earth Muffins: Donald Trump’s Strategy for Ending the War In Ukraine

While keeping up with the news, Earth Muffins editors have noticed a distinct trend: we have become increasingly unable to come up with headlines more ridiculous than reality. As such, we have decided to start reporting on real news stories. On March 5th, in a rambling, 84-minute address to 250 of the Republican Party’s top donors at the Four Seasons Hotel in New Orleans, ex-President … Continue reading The Truth Is Stranger Than Earth Muffins: Donald Trump’s Strategy for Ending the War In Ukraine

earthmuffinscu
Breaking News

How to Help Ukraine

As the war in Ukraine continues to escalate, and the horrors are broadcast around the world,  many are left wondering what they can do to help the citizens of Ukraine. Thankfully, we live in a society of consumption and virtue signaling, so you can get all the satisfaction of helping those in need with minute changes to your consumption habits and vocabulary. Experts have agreed … Continue reading How to Help Ukraine

earthmuffinscu
Politics

Marjorie Taylor Greene High School Opens in Calhoun, Georgia

On February 14th, the fourth anniversary of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School shootings in Parkland, Florida, the city of Calhoun in Georgia’s 4th Congressional District unveiled the Marjorie Taylor Greene High School.  The Congresswoman was on hand to be honored and, in lieu of a ribbon cutting ceremony, fired the first shot into the bullet-proof glass of the building’s front door. Mayor James F. … Continue reading Marjorie Taylor Greene High School Opens in Calhoun, Georgia

earthmuffinscu
Breaking News

Apartment Tour Subjected to Lovecraftian Horror That Is Your Bedroom

You bolt upright out of a hazy half-slumber in the back of your Principles of Bulgarian Microeconomics class. Oh my god. The realtor is going to show your apartment in 5 minutes, and the contents of your apartment are not fit for human eyes. This is not good.  You meant to email the realtor back and make up some excuse for them not to come. … Continue reading Apartment Tour Subjected to Lovecraftian Horror That Is Your Bedroom

earthmuffinscu