How to Kill It This Easter Like You’re Pontius Pilate

If you’re anything like me, fellow Buffs, you’re still reeling from the hysterics of Palm Sunday. Tickling each other’s balls with palm leaves during the service was pretty rad, but the fun doesn’t end there! Easter weekend is fast approaching! Here’s how to celebrate the resurrection of Christ like a real Buff: 

  1. Treat yourself. Lent is over my dudes!! I don’t know about you but I’ve given up a lot. No Muff March and Assless April got me feeble so I’ll be making good use of my anal beads rosary. 
  2. Put an egg up your butt and “lay it” to impress chicks (the human kind). Heck, put a few up there for extra pizazz! Nothing makes babes drop their panties faster than pointing out their dwindling fertility.
  3. Convince your roommates to leave out treats for the Easter Bunny (carrots, leafy greens). When everyone’s asleep, sprinkle turds from the rabbit cage at PetSmart all over the apartment. Smash some eggs on the couch. Scratch their faces. This is a great way to get your buddies in the holiday spirit! 
  4. Remind sinful Boulderites of the true meaning of Easter by dressing as our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Bonus points if the costume shows some skin. What can I say, sex sells! And have you seen Him on the cross with that loincloth? Mmm, the things I’d do….
  5. Fake your death and show up at a darty 3 days later. 

However you choose to celebrate the holiday, don’t forget to bunny hop on over to one of Boulder’s beautiful churches. Catholics go hard! Get right with God and get your buzz started at morning Mass with a hearty swig of wine when you receive Communion.