There is something haunting Libby Hall’s bathroom on the first floor, boys wing. Everyday when I use the bathroom, just minding my own business, I see the phantom shits in one of the three stalls. And everyday I let out a blood curdling screech when I see it. When my floormates come to see what’s going on, every time they’re in disbelief and refuse to listen to me. I say it’s a phantom shitter, they say I’m touched in the head. What normal person would shit and not flush? This has to be the work of a Phantom. These close minded simpletons know nothing of the supernatural, and I will prove it.

I set up six paranormal detecting hidden cameras: one above each stall, and one inside each toilet. I set them up around 7 PM last friday (Prime Phantom Shitter time) and waited with baited breath as I watched my monitor. I observe some normal poops, some pees, and puking. But, my stakeout was cut short around 10 PM.

“What the fuck is this? Is that a camera in the toilet? What the fuck?”

When I heard this I ran as fast as I could to the bathroom and tried to explain that I’m trying to catch the Phantom Shitter. He beat the shit out of me and called the RA’s. I am now being investigated by the police and CU. I face expulsion and to be put on a registry. When I try to explain myself, I’m met with, “What the fuck are you talking about? A ghost? Are you okay?” These people don’t get it. I know the Phantom Shitter somehow set me up, influenced that closed minded cretin to find the cameras.

I snuck into Libby Hall the next day and found concrete evidence of the Ghost: white ectoplasm all over the floor and toilet, with a shit right there in the middle. I quickly took a picture of the evidence and ran to the police station to clear my name. The lady at the front desk looked panicked as I explained the situation (probably from how cool my detective skills are). When I showed the lady at the front desk the picture, however, she immediately called over any remaining officers and I was arrested. I apparently didn’t notice her 8-year-old daughter standing behind her. How was I supposed to know it was to bring your daughter to work day? How was I supposed to know that children shouldn’t see ghostly ectoplasm and shit?

UPDATE:

It’s been months and I am now on a registry and can’t clear my name. The Phantom Shitter has gotten me. I’ve been defeated. If someone out there reads this, please find evidence of this ghastly beast. This monstrosity has ruined my life, and now I fear they will ruin another’s. Anyway, I’ve got a court hearing tomorrow, I pray to God the Phantom shows up so I can catch them.