CIRES Directors Declare Global Warming a “Crock of Shit”

CIRES, the Cooperative Institute for Research in Environmental Sciences at the University of Colorado Boulder, was founded in 1967 and, according to Earth Muffins’ science reporter (in other words, ChatGPT) it “is a leading research institute dedicated to advancing our understanding of the environment and developing solutions to environmental challenges facing society.”  For decades, researchers at the Institute have been studying climate change and concluding … Continue reading CIRES Directors Declare Global Warming a “Crock of Shit”

When Advertising Goes Terribly Wrong

On November 9th of this year KFC Germany sent out a push message on its app stating, “Commemorate Kristallnacht – treat yourself to more soft cheese and crispy chicken. Now at KFCheese!” Kristallnacht (The Night of Broken Glass) commemorates the night in 1938 that Nazi gangs looted, vandalized, and destroyed synagogues, Jewish businesses and Jewish homes across the country.  It seems that computer-generated messages to … Continue reading When Advertising Goes Terribly Wrong

YOLO! This Man Has Been in College for Seven Years

BOULDER, CO – Well, you only live once, kids, and you’ll only go to college once or twice in your short little lifetime, so might as well make it sweet, savory, and seven years long, like current super, super, super senior Mike Barron. Originally in the class of 2020, Barron has strategically failed over ten classes in order to maximize his college experience. “Give me … Continue reading YOLO! This Man Has Been in College for Seven Years

How To Prevent Your Roommate From Banging a Rando While You Are In The Room

Dorm Life can be hard, that is something that we can all probably agree on. However, it can be especially difficult for our resident anti-socialites, introverts, and anti-confrontational cowards as they need to learn new ways to communicate with what may or may not be their fellow humans of the genus roommateus. But not to worry, as here we have three ani-confrontational methods of preventing … Continue reading How To Prevent Your Roommate From Banging a Rando While You Are In The Room

The World is Too Much With Us

Ladies and gentlemen, as a renowned reporter of this great new century, it is my regret to inform the good citizens of the University of Colorado that as we continue our pleasant existences of studying, partying, exams, vomiting, and ill-fated lunch dates, our contentment is only a result of blind ignorance of the true nature of the state of our world– a new, more prevalent … Continue reading The World is Too Much With Us

Jennnette McCurdy is CU Boulder’s New Therapist?

As a community, I think we can simultaneously agree that iCarly was one of the best TV shows that Nickelodeon had to offer our generation, which is why I had to see Jennette McCurdy when she came to speak at Macky Auditorium. In a world that lacks societal norms, logic, and parental supervision (besides Mrs. Benson of course) where hard shell tacos can stay perfectly … Continue reading Jennnette McCurdy is CU Boulder’s New Therapist?