CU Votes “Todd” as Sole Finalist for Grand Treasurer and Lord of Coin
This Tuesday morning, The Board of Regents announced that they unanimously selected Todd Saliman as the only finalist for the position of President. Saliman has been serving as interim President, a position which oversees the entire system of four universities, after Mark Kennedy’s departure last year. Saliman has worked for the University administration long before … Continue reading CU Votes “Todd” as Sole Finalist for Grand Treasurer and Lord of Coin
How to Kill It This Easter Like You’re Pontius Pilate
If you’re anything like me, fellow Buffs, you’re still reeling from the hysterics of Palm Sunday. Tickling each other’s balls with palm leaves during the service was pretty rad, but the fun doesn’t end there! Easter weekend is fast approaching! Here’s how to celebrate the resurrection of Christ like a real Buff: Treat yourself. Lent … Continue reading How to Kill It This Easter Like You’re Pontius Pilate
Trump Finds Hole On First Try
At the end of March, after having played a round of golf with Ernie Els and other PGA tour players, ex-President Donald Trump issued a statement confirming that he had scored a hole-in-one on the par three seventh hole at Trump International Golf Course in West Palm Beach. Els subsequently tweeted, “Great shot on Saturday … Continue reading Trump Finds Hole On First Try
Gamer Guide: Sites of Grace Locations in Boulder
Elden Ring has now sold more than 12 million copies since it was released, and chances are either you’re playing it or you know somebody who is. Whether it be your roommate Tyler who has never played a video game game that isn’t Madden before and is now waking you up at 3 A.M the … Continue reading Gamer Guide: Sites of Grace Locations in Boulder
The Truth Is Stranger Than Earth Muffins: Donald Trump’s Strategy for Ending the War In Ukraine
While keeping up with the news, Earth Muffins editors have noticed a distinct trend: we have become increasingly unable to come up with headlines more ridiculous than reality. As such, we have decided to start reporting on real news stories. On March 5th, in a rambling, 84-minute address to 250 of the Republican Party’s top … Continue reading The Truth Is Stranger Than Earth Muffins: Donald Trump’s Strategy for Ending the War In Ukraine
Ja Morant Will Kill You
The Memphis Grizzlies are on an absolute tear. They lead the league in points off turnovers, blocks per game, offensive rebounds per game, and have been the highest ever scoring team to come out of Memphis, ever. You might think this is a silly little accident. A team from a ho-bunk town like Memphis being… … Continue reading Ja Morant Will Kill You
How to Help Ukraine
As the war in Ukraine continues to escalate, and the horrors are broadcast around the world, many are left wondering what they can do to help the citizens of Ukraine. Thankfully, we live in a society of consumption and virtue signaling, so you can get all the satisfaction of helping those in need with minute … Continue reading How to Help Ukraine
Marjorie Taylor Greene High School Opens in Calhoun, Georgia
On February 14th, the fourth anniversary of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School shootings in Parkland, Florida, the city of Calhoun in Georgia’s 4th Congressional District unveiled the Marjorie Taylor Greene High School. The Congresswoman was on hand to be honored and, in lieu of a ribbon cutting ceremony, fired the first shot into the … Continue reading Marjorie Taylor Greene High School Opens in Calhoun, Georgia
Apartment Tour Subjected to Lovecraftian Horror That Is Your Bedroom
You bolt upright out of a hazy half-slumber in the back of your Principles of Bulgarian Microeconomics class. Oh my god. The realtor is going to show your apartment in 5 minutes, and the contents of your apartment are not fit for human eyes. This is not good. You meant to email the realtor back … Continue reading Apartment Tour Subjected to Lovecraftian Horror That Is Your Bedroom
Birds Aren’t Real!
Over the break between semesters, back at home with the parental units, whose COVID-19 paranoia kept me confined to my bedroom for weeks on end (they left me trays of food outside the door), I had nothing to do but surf the interweb; it was there, in the realm of inconvenient truths, I learned that … Continue reading Birds Aren’t Real!
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