1.  Get Organized. Between the collapse of society, Kraus the kind cockroach that lives under my bed, and wanting to hit a reverse twist dive off the Flatirons, life can seem pretty overwhelming. A good first step is to set your records straight, maybe by making a colored calendar or sacrificing a lamb to The Dark Lord. 2.  Do one thing at a time. I … Continue reading Crumbling? In Despair? Feeling Worthless? Here Are 8 Easy Steps To Get Your Shit Together

In honor of International Women’s Day this Monday, Earth Muffins would like to share this touching opinion piece sent in by an anonymous member of one of CU’s very own fraternities. Hey bros, hope you all had an amazing International Women’s Day! I know I did. Many of you probably heard about that huge party that happened on the Hill over the weekend, but you … Continue reading Opinion: Hill Party Was Actually a Celebration of International Women’s Day

The 2020 election marks a significant shift in American cinematic appeal. As the entire world has been grossly entranced by US politics since the 2016 election, we all know that Trump’s presidency has been a truly unique experience. It was at times Game of Thrones-esque, like when we found out Trump paid Stormy Daniels hush money, it was educational, like when Don Jr. was finally … Continue reading America to Shift Genres Following Election

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s finally happened. As the world and our collective psyche has deteriorated over the past decade, we have all become more accustomed to accepting ridiculous news stories every day. Remember when Obama wearing a tan suit was a national news story? Those were the days. Nowadays, you would read “Trump Linked to Infant Cannibalism Ring”, and just sort of… accept it and … Continue reading Line Between Reality and Satire Blurs Completely After Trump Taliban Endorsement

So, your 7 year old kid just joined baseball, or soccer, or hockey. Great job! You did it! But, what you didn’t realize was how this activity, which was originally meant to get your kid off of Fortnite and to be more active, would change you. Your life now belongs to your kid’s sport, and here is a guide of steps to make sure you … Continue reading How to be a Good Sports Parent

Faculty and students alike were outraged by the selection of Mark Kennedy to succeed Bruce Benson as President of CU. Critics claim his experience is inadequate and his voting record as a congressman is contrary to the values of the University. To the additional displeasure of university affiliates, the regents selected Mark Kennedy as their only finalist for the position, undermining the final vote. The … Continue reading A List of People That Would Make a Better President Than Mark Kennedy