AOC Brings Among Us Tactics to Capitol Hill

On October 21st, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez broke from traditional ideas of how politicians should communicate with their constituents by livestreaming the hit deception game “Among Us” to viewers across the country.  Troubling news has emerged from Washington, however, that AOC may have been unduly influenced by her time playing Among Us with fellow Representative, Ilhan Omar. On Friday, October 23rd, during a meeting on national … Continue reading AOC Brings Among Us Tactics to Capitol Hill

Donald Trump Refuses to Denounce Literal Nazi Zombies

After last week’s debate insanity the biggest take away was that Donald Trump, when asked to denounce white supremacy, refused to. Even some of Donald Trump’s own supporters were upset that he didn’t answer probably the single most tee-ball level question of the debate, or any debate for that matter. As the graceful journalists we are at Earth Muffins, we decided to give Trump another … Continue reading Donald Trump Refuses to Denounce Literal Nazi Zombies

Herman Cain’s Ghost Tweets Not To Worry About Coronavirus

In an eerie turn of events that could only occur in Spooktober of 2020, Hermain Cain’s twitter account has become active again, following his untimely demise in late July. Mirroring the President’s sentiment after being discharged from Walter Reed, Herman Cain, now under the twitter handle “Herman the Friendly Ghost” tweeted the following: “After my revolutionary $20,000,000 spectral liberation surgery, I feel better than I … Continue reading Herman Cain’s Ghost Tweets Not To Worry About Coronavirus

Geneva Convention Canceled Amid Coronavirus Concerns

With the increasing impact of COVID-19, it would be expected that large events and conventions such as Coachella and Comic Con would be cancelled or delayed; however, there is one convention to cancel somewhat unexpectedly: the Geneva Convention. Sophie Waffle, Prime Minister of Belgium, seemed understandably uneasy when asked to comment. “So help me god, if anyone uses us to get to France again”. We … Continue reading Geneva Convention Canceled Amid Coronavirus Concerns