Report: Andy Reid’s Mask is Full of “Tasty Little Treats”

Following their AFC Championship win, Earth Muffins was able to secure an exclusive interview with Kansas City Head Coach Andy Reid. “Andy. Mr. Reid. Big Chief. How do you do it? You’re hot off a Super Bowl win last year, and it’s looking like you may just do it two years in a row. What’s your secret?” “Well, the team is great, our secondary defense … Continue reading Report: Andy Reid’s Mask is Full of “Tasty Little Treats”

CU Football Undefeated as Shortened Season Begins – First Time in a Century

For the first time since 1921, the University of Colorado football team is undefeated.Had the football season begun on September 5 th , as originally scheduled, the Buffaloeswould have played games against Colorado State, Fresno State, Texas A&M, Oregon,Utah, Arizona, USC and Arizona State through the end of October. In all likelihood, thiswould have resulted in a 1 and 7 record (with losses against every … Continue reading CU Football Undefeated as Shortened Season Begins – First Time in a Century

Baseball?

You guys have heard of baseball, right? I’m pretty sure it involves some guys that run around a field and throw around a ball. My dad used to take me out to a field and toss around a ball with me, and that could have been baseball, but I’m not sure. He never said “let’s go play some baseball, son,” he would only say “Let’s … Continue reading Baseball?

Coach Karl Dorell Buried Quarterback Tyler Lytle Alive And Wants YOU To Find Him!

Football season is a’brewin’, and the Buffs are biting at the bit to get back to the gridiron. With their first game right around the corner on November 7th against the great UCLA Bruins, it’s time to get hype. It’s time to get that autumn blood flowin’, and with great respect the athletic department’s PR team has given Earth Muffins exclusive access to announce to … Continue reading Coach Karl Dorell Buried Quarterback Tyler Lytle Alive And Wants YOU To Find Him!

CU Administration Enlisting ESPN Analysts to Work On COVID-19 Dashboard

In perhaps the greatest misleading-statistics crossover of all time, the University of Colorado has enlisted a team of sports analysts from ESPN to work on the newest edition of the COVID-19 dashboard. “The analysts’ ability to conjure meaningless statistics in order to fill air time is really going to bring our dashboard to the next level. I’m elated to have them along for the 9th … Continue reading CU Administration Enlisting ESPN Analysts to Work On COVID-19 Dashboard

Buffalo Queen: Murder, Mayhem and Mascots

Coming next quarantine to Netflix is a hastily produced and shoddily sourced story of the shocking behind-the-scenes world of college mascot handling. “We weren’t sure if Tiger King was a success because of the quirky characters and cute tiger cubs, or simply because everyone in the world had absolutely nothing better to do,” said Netflix CEO Wilmot Hastings in a Zoom interview which led to … Continue reading Buffalo Queen: Murder, Mayhem and Mascots

Ralphie VI Drafted as New Colorado Running Back

This Saturday it was announced that in addition to running the field at half time, the newest Ralphie, Ralphie VI, has been drafted as the first-string running back for the Colorado Buffaloes. In true Air Bud fashion, new buffs head coach Karl Dorrell says the draft was possible due to a loophole in the rules. “There’s no rule explicitly stating that a Buffalo can’t be … Continue reading Ralphie VI Drafted as New Colorado Running Back